The Power Of Mentors
Jul 04, 2023
The true power of mentorship
The word Mentor is a very powerful word. It's kind of like the word teacher, but on steroids. Teachers are great, they teach you things you didn't know before, and we all need them. A mentor not only teaches you, but they help you get there. A mentor is a teacher, a leader, and a facilitator. I appreciated my teachers coming up in my life, but the mentors have left a much deeper impression. Being a teacher is very hard work, but being a mentor, takes much more bandwidth, and that's why it takes so much more energy, and makes much more of a effect on your protégées life. Another way, I think about it is while the teacher teaches you specific things, you not only learned from a mentor, you're influenced as well. I think a teacher teaches objective information, while a mentor teaches by example.
As a martial artist, trainer, teacher, I feel I have also taken the role of mentor in more than one occasion. Leading by example, or in that case, being a leader, period, is also what a mentor does. As a martial arts teacher, and trainer, I start by being a teacher. I spend a large amount of time going over our techniques and figuring out new and creative ways to teach them. I try to make my classes as fun, tough, yet upbeat, as I possibly can. Having great classes is very important, and it is a great way to have more students, but showing our students, by example, is where being a great mentor comes in. Looking at the student as more than just a sum total of there proficiency of the techniques, yet trying to mold them into great martial artists, that is what a mentor does. I feel like you can be a really good teacher and teach people all the technicalities, and knowledge of their subjects, however being taught by living it and leading by example, and being shown a human interest in not only your students ability to learn the techniques you are teaching, but also how it will help your students in life, and showing the desire to help your student become a better human, that's a mentor. And I have personally had great teachers throughout my martial arts career, I had great trainers throughout my fight career, but the ones I consider a mentor, I have not only been great teachers, or trainers, but great leaders and examples of what kind of a martial artist I really wanted to be, if you want to emulate one of your teachers, that he's a mentor as well. I in fact, in my 50+ year martial arts journey, I can honestly say one of the best teachers I have ever had didn't possess many of the qualities. I don't look up to as a martial artist, therefore, I would never consider that person a mentor, but he was a great teacher. And on the other side of that coin, I once had a martial arts teacher who is not only a terrible hard to understand teacher, he was an even worse fight coach. This guy never got us motivated, and I could never understand what, or where, to put in my techniques he was showing me, but he possessed all the qualities of a great martial artist, and he treated me, like a champion, so, despite the lack of his teaching skills, I still considered that man a mentor in my life.
I have had many mentors in my life, but I have four that stand out, probably because they are the biggest influences, or influencers of my life. At the end of the day, that's probably another definition for mentor, influencer. And since usually mentoring is subjects specific, yet a lot of other things are attached to someone if you consider them a mentor. What I mean by that is one of my biggest mentors in my life was my martial arts instructor. Though he wasn't the greatest teacher when it came down to the technicalities of specific techniques , or his, "Mat side Manor" I looked up to him, and I wanted to be the kind of martial artist he was, not the kind of man he was per se, but they were certain traits that I wanted to emulate, and bring them into my life. So I do consider him a mentor in a big way, and that's why I believe that a mentor is subject specific. In other words, even though there is a lot of overflow from one subject to another, I don't have a mentor in life. The mentors I have are pretty specific.
The first mentor I have is my father. My father didn't talk much, or show much emotion, yet I always knew that he loved me and had my best interest in his heart. He wasn't much for training, and we were different in many ways, yet, whenever I wanted to decide between right and wrong, morally and ethically, or I was pushing something at work, and I was near the breaking point, my dad's voice always says do the right thing and whatever doesn't kill, you will only make you stronger. I look to him for my mentorship and doing the right thing, Because I feel I got my moral compass from him. He never owned a home or even a new car, and he ate out every day, and was not very good with money.
That's where mentor number two comes in, Ollie Mitchell, my stepfather. And he taught me a lot about finances. He spent his early adult hood, making a pretty good living as a studio musician, and after he retired, he and my mother would buy and flip houses. Sometimes he could double the profit of a house in three years. He showed me that it took a lot of elbow grease, but it could provide him with a very good living. He seem to be much more comfortable with money, and he seem to have a little better lifestyle than my biological father. He was very hard-working, but very laid-back, he was a great mentor. We didn't hang out much, however, I always felt he was there for me, I could depend on him, and I did look up to him, he was definitely a good mentor, and taught me about being a little more laid-back, but also about putting your nose to the Grindstone to make a money. He also taught me to very important principles that I still follow to this day. First one was if you ever loan anybody money, do not expect it back. Make sure you can afford to be without it, and if you do get it back, that's just a bonus. Another principal that he taught me, and I also still follow it to this day is always have enough money on hand to live at least six months, and he called that fuck you money.
My third mentor he taught me about Ohana, and taking care of the members of your Ohana, even when you would sometimes have to tolerate a little more than you want to. Some people might think that's being stepped on, but I felt he was just very kind. Sometimes to a fault. he helped me in a time where I really needed help, I was 16 years old, living on my own, and trying to finish high school. He helped me coordinate my school schedule and even got me a job so I could support myself while finishing high school. he did this out of the goodness of his heart, and he called in a lot of favors to help me. I will never forget that, and I will always consider him a very close member of my Ohana, and he was definitely a great mentor, he showed me about helping people and kindness.
My fourth mentor was my martial arts. Instructor, Walter, Godin. I spent a lot of time with him in the 30 years that I trained under him. He taught me a lot about life through the lens of martial arts. He was very pragmatic about martial arts, and life. When I was young, even as young as 11 or 12, and I would ask him a question about a fancy move, technique, that I had seen in a tournament, or on TV, he would always tell me to forget those silly frivolous techniques, and weapons, and stick to the basics, like a basic punch, hammer blow, and instead of a fancy martial arts weapon like a nunchuck. Oh, he would tell me a baseball, bat, knife, or a gun, or all the weapons I will ever need besides my body. He taught me how to be tough. How to train, hard, and one thing that he never let me forget, was to have animal instincts if I ever was attacked. He was a true believer in finishing anyone who attacked me. I remember he came to one of my golden glove boxing matches, he came to the van and my opponent called me a fucking haole. I should go back to the mainland. He also told me he was going to kill me in the fight. Godin came into my dressing room right before the fight and he told me he would be very angry. If I did not knock this person out, in fact, he threatened to punish me if I did not knock him out, and he said he would give me a reward, if I did knock him out. I did knock them out, and he did hold true with his promise, and he gave me a present. Training with Godin from 10 years old, and always hearing him yell about having to have killer instinct/animal instinct, training us, so hard, and teaching us never to start fights, But to always finish them. I got to know Godin very well in the 30 years that he was my mentor. I felt he was a very kind man to me and the people he cared about, very generous, always willing to help with his time or resources. Godin on the other hand Did not show that side of them self to his enemies. He was known to be very brutal when somebody tried to cross them, if fact, he spent time in state prison more than once for violence. He also got involved in selling drugs, and spent time in prison for that. That's where the subject specific mentor comes in to play. Godin taught me so many things, influenced my life in so many ways, help to mold and shape me into the man I am today, however, even though I do consider him a mentor, I would never follow his moral compass, I felt there was things about him that I did not look up to, yet, I still considered him a mentor, I think that's a little weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. I will try to explain it briefly in the next paragraph.
I have listed four of my mentors. These four men have shaped my life more than anyone else has, yet they were also different. I don't think there's a mentor "for life" I think that mentors are subject specific. Out of my four mentors, They all touched my life in such a big way, but most in specific ways. My father was a big mentor, while I loved his moral compass, and his intelligence and hard work ethic, I did not necessarily like his lack of communication with his loved ones, His lack of ability to manage money, and that's why I look to my stepfather. My stepfather had a great ability to manage his money, and even grow it, and I loved his nonchalant attitude, but I wasn't crazy about the fact that he did not workout, he was a little too involved in drugs and alcohol, and he like to party a little too much. Then there was Katakuru. I looked up to him for the way he was so kind and he would go out of his way to help the students that were assigned to him. He didn't just do the bare minimum, he went above and beyond with unbelievable kindness, yes, he didn't really think about his health, he wasn't in the best of shape, yet Godin had so many benefits for me, especially growing up the way I did, where I did, strength, power, and confidence definitely came from him, but then there was a lack of law abiding behavior. So my point is I think, having mentors in your life, especially when you're young is so important. I think it's important to gravitate towards people who have already been there and done that, so they can teach you. I don't think trying to have one mentor for your life is reasonable, or even possible. I think mentors might not always be teachers, but they are teaching you about life, and life has a lot of different subjects in it. I've heard it said that your life is a combination of the five people that you spend the most time with, and I agree with that, only I'll take it one step further, I'll say that what you become as an adult is largely influenced by the mentors that you have chosen throughout your life. I think that is very true. In my case. My four mentors live inside of me every single day, and everything I do, or have done is largely because of them, their teachings and their influence. I don't know exactly where I would be if it wasn't for all four of them, but I guarantee I wouldn't be right here where I am right now. When I'm dealing with money, I usually think about my stepdad. When I have a mess in front of me, I always think of how my father would just put his nose to the grindstone and spend hours either meeting a deadline from work, or doing a project around the house that he committed to do. When I'm dealing with my students, friends, or loved ones, I think about Katakuru, and how he always had a smile on his face, and he was always willing to help and show his kindness. When I need to be tough, before a fight with her in the ring or street, Godin always came to mind, and I definitely felt his spirit.
Having mentors is very powerful it's kind of like having teachers on steroids. I say that because they're not only teaching you something didactically, or even by example, they're teaching you life lessons as well as the specific subject or subjects. While the lessons of a teacher can stay in your mind, forever, the lessons of a mentor, and the mentor himself will stay in your heart forever.
